Inside Out...
I wonder if everyone has an "empty smile". You know the kind. When you are being polite, or are trying to ward off unwanted attention. I was thinking about that today. Thinking about who I have genuwine smiles with and about, and those smiles that are forced. Which pictures have empty smiles in them? Which memories?
I still remember the first day I saw you
You and your amazing intense eyes
Those eyes that could read my soul
You could talk to me from just a look
You held my hand through the hardest times in my life
You loved me through the ugly times
You told me to go after what ever it was I wanted
And then you were there to pick up the pieces once it all fell apart
You told me I was better then all those losers
Our lunch’s with just the two of us
You running pass my class yelling my name at the top of your lungs
You told me always to look at the bright side of things
You told me not to wear my heart on my sleeve
You told me to always smile
You told me not just anyone was good enough for me
You hated all the guys I’ve dated
So I never went for just anyone
I picked people that interested me
I fell on my face a few times
There was some good times and some bad
And now your there and I am here
I miss you like crazy
Your not here to hold my hand any more
I need your hand more now then ever before
I need you to tell me I am special
That this will all get better
I need my rock
Look outside your window, I'm sure the sun is shining somewhere if you looked hard enough. If you can't find the sun listen to the rain. Its telling you something. That stormy days come and go and if you don't take the rain you'll never have the rainbow. Stop pushing the night away. If the night ceases to exist so would the stars. The stars are what keeps us dreaming. Without dreams who would we be?
Things that make you happy:
1. Falling in Love
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts
3. A hot shower
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer
11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price]
12. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry)
13. A long distance phone call
14. A bubble bath
15. Giggling
16. A good conversation
17. The beach
18. Finding $20 in you coat from last winter
19. Laughing at yourself
20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours
21. Running through sprinklers
22. Laughing for absolutely no reason as all
23. Having someone tell you your beautiful
24. Laughing at an inside joke.
25. Friends
26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours to sleep
28. Your first kiss (either the very first are with someone new)
29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones
30. Playing with a new puppy
31. Having someone play with your hair
32. Sweet dreams
33. Hot chocolate
34. Road trips with friends
35. Swinging on swings
36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking hot chocolate
37. Song lyrics printed out for your new CD so you can sing along without felling stupid
38. Going to a really good concert
39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger
40. Winning a really competitive game
41. Making chocolate chip cookies
42. Having your friends send you home-made cookies
43. Spending time with close friends
44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends
45. Holding hands with someone you care about
46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things ( good or bad) never change
47. Riding the best roller coaster over and over
48. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you
49. Watching the sun rise
50. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful fro another beautiful day
So...this is it. THIS is my life. I guess I always knew that... but it's wierd now, when people ask me what I do. I am a teacher. I am a teacher. I AM A TEACHER! Very odd to say that. It is wierd not to be in school. Not to be on my way to my life. Nope... this is it.
Saw the most beautiful thing ever created last night. Man... talk about being putty in another person's hands.... and she ain't even mine. I was speechless. I am speechless. No words can express just how beautiful she is.... or just what a miracle she is.
Sigh.... she will break hearts.... she's already breaking mine.
You bring me nothing but misery. Why?
Today shall be the day I let go. As hard as it is. I have to.
It's not worth my time or tears...
Not anymore.
Who would ever have thought that "Superman" was only human afterall. Perhaps there was more Clark Kent in him than we all thought.
Superman by Five For Fighting
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me
Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me.
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy…
It's not easy to be me
The man of steel, ended up fighting with iron will. Like a true hero.
Dear Noah,
I write this letter by candlelight as you lie sleeping in the bedroom we have shared since the day we got married. And though I can't hear the soft sounds of your slumber, I know you are there, and soon I will be lying next to you again as I always have. And I will feel your warmth and your comfort, and your breaths will slowly guide me to the place where I dream of you and the wonderful man you are.
I see the flame beside me and it reminds me of another fire from decades ago, with me in your soft clothes and you in your jeans. I knew then we would always be together, even though I wavered the following day. My heart has been captured, roped by a southern poet, and I knew inside that it had always been yours. Who was I to question a love that rode on shooting stars and roared like crashing waves? For that is what it was between us then and that is what it is today.
I remember coming back to you the next day, the day my mother visited. I was so scared, more scared that I ever had been because I was sure you would never forgive me for leaving you. I was shaking as I got out of the car, but you took it all away with your smile and the way you held your hand out to me. "How 'bout soime coffee," was all you said. And you never brought it up again. In all our years together.
Nor did you question me when I would leave and walk alone for the next few days. And when I came in with tears in my eyes, you always knew whether I needed you to hold me or to just let me be. I don;t know how you knew; but you did, and you made it easier for me. Later when we went to the small chapel and traded our rings and made our vows, I looked in your eyes and knew I had made the right decision. but more than that, I knew I was foolish for ever considering someone else. I have never waivered since.
I love you for many things, especially your passions, for they have always been those things which are most beautiful in life. Love and poetry and fatherhood and friendship and beauty and nature. And I am glad you have taught the children these things, for I know their lives are better for it. They tell me how special you are to them, and every time they do, it makes me feel like the luckiest woman alive.
You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together. You have something inside you, Noah, something beautiful and strong. Kindness, that's what I see when I look at you now, that's what everyone sees. Kindness. You are the most forgiving and peaceful man I know. God is with you, He must be, for you are the closest thing to angel I have ever met.
We have lived a lifetime most couples never know, and yet, when I look at you, I am frightened by the knowledge that all this will be ending soon. For we both know my prognosis and what it will mean to us. I see your tears and I worry more about you than I do about me, because I fear the pain I know you will go through. There are no words to express my sorrow for this, and I am at a loss for words.
So I love you so deeply, so incredibly much, that I will find a way to come back to you despite my disease, I promise you that. And this is where the story comes in. When I am lost and lonely, read this story - just as you told it to the children - and know that in some way, I will realize it's about us. And perhaps, just perhaps, we will find a way to be together again.
Please don't be angry with me on days I do not remember you, and we both know they will come. Know that I love you, that I always will, and that no matter what happens, know I have led the greatest life possible. My life with you.
And if you save this letter to read again, then believe what I am writing for you now. Noah, wherever you are and whenever this is, I love you. I love you now as I write this, and I love you now as you read this. And I am so sorry if I am not able to tell you. I love you deeply, my husband. You are, and always have been, my dream.
Allie
WOW...
"I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough."
My Goafer...
People wonder why his death had such an impact on me...and a few have even made comments about it... but he is the only one who actually had my heart. The whole thing. Maybe that's why I can't give my heart to anyone else... because he already occupies it. I loved him without reservation. I could do no wrong in his eyes...to him I was always perfect... He is the one I will never get over.
