Inside Out...
GRRRRRRRRRRR
I'm not allowed to be bitchy, antsy, depressed, or even feel... I have to be the strong one. I'm always the one helping others get on their feet, and no one will help me do the same when I need it. It's just one stupid ego pool everyone is in. I'm tired of being there for everyone when they need it, and then they just ignore me like some tool because it's convienent for them.
On top of that, I'm tired of everyone telling me they're going to do one thing, and never follow through. No one thinks I'll be hurt or disappointed. Why tell me you're going to do something, and then blow me off for something totally stupid?
I want to be happy. I really do. It is just so hard to accept happiness sometimes, to believe in it, to have faith that it will not eventually let me down. I want to be a better person. I want to be healthy. I have to tell myself that the good things in my life are not at all too good to be true. I made these good things happen.I queried the agent, the agent did not find me. I am making things happen for me. I can allow myself to wallow in negativity or I can choose a bright path. I can choose to be good.
I am just so scared sometimes. I know there is something inside me that probably goes back to my childhood, from which this fear originates. I can pinpoint the exact moment of trauma that perhaps has caused this fear. I can identify other events in my personal experience that intensified this fear. I will write them all someday. But for now, I must attend to these first baby steps toward healing and becoming content with my life.
Ever noticed that the more people in your life, seem to make your life more complicated. I love people really, but sometimes, I think that just hibernating in a cave, or being like Robinson Crusoe, and stranded on a island , might not be so bad after all. Bears do it, hibernate I mean, albeit for differenct reason than which I would take up hibernating.
I HATE it when people say they are going to do some thing and then don't do it...
. name : Jaimep
. nicknames : J, Jamma, Miss Lynn, Jai
. sex : female
. birthday : Septmber 30, 1977
. age : 26
. star sign : Libra
. place of birth : Montreal
. current residence : Montreal
. hair color : brown
. eye color : blue
. height : 5'7
. writing hand : right
. do you bite your nails : if I am stressed
. can you roll your tongue : yu
. can you raise one eyebrow at a time : not sure
. can you blow smoke rings : probably not
. can you blow spit bubbles : no
. can you cross your eyes : yup
. colored hair : highlights
. tattoos and where : none
. piercings and where : 2 in each ear
. do you make your bed daily : I try to
. which shoe goes on first : right
. speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone : don't think so
. how much money is usually in your wallet : about $10
. what jewelry do you wear 24/7 : anklet
. would you rather be on time and look ok or late and look great : on time & look ok
. twirl your spaghetti or cut it : cut
. how many cereals are in your cabinet : 2 or 3
. what utensils do you use eating pizza : my hands
. do you cook : sometimes
. How often do you brush your teeth : daily
. how often do you shower/bathe : daily
. how long do these showers last : 15-20 minutes
. hair drying method : naturally
. do you paint your nails : yes
. do you swear : sometimes
. do you mumble to yourself : probably
. do you spit in public : no
. do you pee in the shower : I probably have
. in the cd player : a mix Katie made
. person you talk most on the phone with : Tanya
. what color is your bedroom : white
. do you use an alarm clock : yes
. name one thing or person you're obsessed with?:
. have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex : no
. ever sunbathed in the nude: nope
. window seat or aisle : window
. whats your sleeping position : it varies
. what kind of bed do you like : comfortable
. in hot weather do you use a blanket : yup
. do you snore : sometimes
. do you sleepwalk : no
. do you talk in your sleep : sometimes
. how about the light on : not usually
. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on : not usually
. watched bambi : not sure I ever have
. cried : been a while
. talked on the phone : 20 minutes ago
. read a book : this morning
. punched someone : never
. where do you see yourself ten years from now : in debt
. who is your best friend : Tanya
. which friend do you hang out with the most : Tanya
. what friend makes you smile the most : not sure
. friend that you fight with the most : not sure
. one you talk to the most online : anyone back home
. friend that you miss the most : Tanya or Liana
