Inside Out...
Good news
Really great news
I got a job! A teaching job! Woohoo! I am now busily but easgerly trying to leatn all of the seemingly never-ending material. But it's awesome just to have some sort of plan!
Subsequent News
Now that I have this job, I now have to coach a ton of teams next year. So in the midst of learning all of the academic material, I am also brushing up on my sport related skill and tactics!
Schoolhouse Rock News
Went into Concordia today, and got the paperwork done to register for classes. Talk about bringing my back to Vanier days! I am definitely a sucker for punishment - and it looks as though my days will be filled with one thing to the next. Just the way I like it!
Where Have The Years Gone News
So, Mel had her baby. Wow. I can't believe that 10 years ago we were graduating high school, and now she is with child. Things sure do change!
Madonna once said - "Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another."
I find this quite interesting. For one that Madonna said it...And, for another, that it is so simple and true.
Which leads me to ask,"Why do people let themselves get in this position?" I have recently met people who continue to talk about how they wish they could...., or I really want...., or If I could only...., but when I probe further I get answers like... My spouse would hit the roof, or my significant other says I shouldn't, or my family wouldn't understand.
I know one person that can only spend time with friends when either her other half is at work, or out with friends.... I DON'T GET IT! I guess the thought of confrontation is too much for her, or that the benefits of the relationship out way the conflict that would ensue if she did what she wanted. How can you truly care for someone that puts you in a box? How do you grow as a person? How do you ever find personal satisfaction and happiness?
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against relationships that are truly caring, growing relationships benefitting BOTH parties. They help each party grow, develop and become better people. I just find that many relationships these days are based on fear of being alone, or being scared to really live life.
Sure life is hard, and scary, and wonderful, and exhilarating, but you have to experience that on your own before you can truly be an equal in any relationship.
Here's to the many times we found endless reasons to skip out of math and physics.
Here's to the biking barefoot in the rain, and biking to the Field and biking for hours and freezee breaks.
Here's to the good times spent with "The Posse" and the endless story writing...mostly during groundings.
Here's to lunches spent in the gym wathing the boys play basketball.
Here's to Summer '93.
Here's to the crank phone calls and sleepovers and Brookwood tournaments.
Here's to the lucky penny and the troll.
Here's to my obsession with Mike Ramsey.
Here's to the times Jenn's parents went away.
Here's to tears we undoubtedly shed tears over our loves.
Here's to the words "Fruitan" "Day-O," and "Facade.
Here's to my Goafer.
Here's to Riverdale Dances and Glenmore Rants and Bowl-O-Drome.
Here's to cat skinning and late night McDonald's trips and DAFIB.
Here's to last minute papers and all night cram sessions and list making.
Here's to the practices and games and winning and losing.
Here's to Captain Bucky and Coach Ken and O2 and MLB.
Here's to blue tongue candy.
Here's to Brookwood camp and lost clipboards and staff nights at Cheers.
Here's to Manitou and late night talks and canoe trips and World Games.
Here's to Best Friends old and new and all the good times had.
Here's to pitchers of Ameretto Sour at Faces.
Here's to Lions Games.
Here's to late night bonding sessions during sleepless nights.
Here's to the West Island and Dutton and Windsor.
Here's to all of you who have left an imprint on my heart...
"I always thought I wanted so much more, now I"m not too sure." Sometimes, you want something so much, and you think that's the only thing you'll ever want. But you know what, it's not really reality. And as it turns out, sometimes you don't really want that afterall. It's a shame it has taken me so long to realize all this. I guess I was choosing not to pay attention to everything, ignoring the obvious. Theres something you always want to happen, but when you come to the realization that it never will, all of a sudden it becomes so much less appealing and you no longer wish for it. And I'm okay with that. It's amazing how some things can lose there appeal so quickly. Things that you never thought would.
Ok, here are my random rambling thoughts from the last few days:
Recently I've heard from people, that I seem "alone" lately. Maybe that's because some of the people who tell me this have simply moved on, onto bigger and better things; onto where it's no longer important to talk to your friends for hours about nothing; where they no longer care like they used to, or take the time to listen and try to care like they used to. Maybe I'm not really anymore "alone" than I always am, but it just seems that way to them because I'm not talking to the people they are, and I don't care about the same things they do. These people assume I want the same things they have right now, but I really don't. That kind of stuff isn't important to me, and doesn't mean as much to me as much as it apparently means to you.
I want to move to New York and live in a loft apartment and decorate it however the hell I want to. I want a kitchen with black and white checkered tiles and balck and white pictures hanging everywhere.
I want a big dog - one that I can take for walks in Central Park. A dog that comes to me when I call it and sleeps on the floor next to my bed at night. A fish, yeah, I want a fish too.
I want to get the hell out of here and be somebody, be something other than what I am. I think I could do it too except for the fact that I'm too damn scared and I'll inevitably be the one to hold myself back.
I want to be in love. not just to be in love, but to actually cre about someone other than myself - or even to give myself a reason for that too. I've seen enough failed relationships and enough movies to know what works and what doesn't.
Or maybe I'm just totally crazy and destined to be in this world alone for the rest of my life, well, except for the big dog.
