Inside Out...
I love summer.
Except that it isn't actually summer, yet. The weather God's keep teasing us... a day of sun and then 2 of rain. Sun and then hail. Sun and then cold winds. Sherry, can't you do something about that!?! Today has been the best day so far. I am sad to say that I only spent about an hour outside today enjoying it though, because I had some other things that needed to get done. But that hour reading, was wonderful. I can't wait for summer to actually arrive!
I love the smell of the BBQ...mmmmmmmmm
SO FUNNY!
http://www.illwillpress.com/fatkins.html
Robert Frost (1874 – 1963)
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry I could not travel both
and be one traveler, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim,
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that the passing there
had worn them really about the same,
and both that morning equally lay
in leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
It's funny...in the mornings, when I am on my way to work, I always see these 2 girls get on the bus, wearing the exact same uniform I wore in high school. And every morning I wonder why they are so far away from Riverdale, and why they are travelling in the wrong direction, if they are to get to school on time. and really, it is only after I get off the bus, that I realize that they don't go to Riverdale. Too funny. It happens every day... without fail.
"Only those you trust can betray you." I knew there was a reason I trusted no one! I knew there was a reason I never put my faith in people. Because it those people who can then destroy you. Who have that potential. See, I was a smartie all along!
15 Random Things You Like:
1) the smell of the air before it rains
2) basketball
3) sleeping
4) blue skies
5) when the alarm is turned off
6) hugs
7) Tanya's laugh
8) puzzles
9) day dreaming
10) 24
11) cheesecake
12) hot showers
13) phone calls from old friends
14) my duvet
15) music
14 Random Songs
1) Inside Out - Bryan Adams
2) Marry Me - Amanda Marshall
3) Patty Murphy - GBS
4) Again - Janet Jackson
5) Holiday - Madonna
6) Jump Around - House of Pain
7) I missed da bus - Kris Kros
8) Survivor - Destiny's Child
9) Dancing Queen - ABBA
10) My Song - Glass Tiger
11) Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
12) Outside the Fire - Garth Brooks
13) Any Man of Mine - Shania Twain
14) Wondeful Tonight - Eric Clapton
13 Shows You Watch
1) Survivor
2) 24
3) NHL playoffs
4) GH
5) The OC
6) CSI
7) Trading Spaces
8) ER
9) Murder She Wrote
10) Law and Order
11) The Apprentice
12) Big Brother
13) Smallville :)
12 Good Bands/Artists
1) Bryan Adams
2) Janet Jackson
3) Amanda Marshall
4) Ani Difranco
5) Great Big Sea
6) Sheryl Crow
7) Madonna
8) Garth Brooks
9) Shania Twain
10) TLC
11) Savage Garden
12)
11 Things About You...physically
1) I have blue eyes
2) my eyes have brown specs in them
3) I have brown hair with blond highlights
4) I am slightly shorter than I would like to be
5) I have small hands
6) I hate my feet... but then again, I hate everybody's feet
7) I do not have an hour glass figure
8) I have nice legs
9) I have a fat neck - lol
10)
11)
10 Good Friends
(in no particular order)
1) Tanya
2) Chantal
3) Jenn
4) Amanda
5) Sarah Mac
6) Tracy
7) Flora
8) Lonny - lol
9) Heather
10) John
9 Favorite Foods/Drinks
1) cheesecake
2) smoothies
3) bagel sandwiches
4) cheese
5) ceasar salad
6) Ameretto Sour
7) Coke
8) pineapple
9) lemonade
8 Things You Wear Daily
1) ultility cord bracelets
2) silver watch
3) earings
4) anklet
5) underwear
6) lip gloss
7) deodorant
8) a hair elastic
7 Things That Annoy You
1) my computer
2) traffic
3) headaches
4) the 110 bus
5) the way my hair never does what I want it to
6) whiners
7) ignorance
6 Things You Touch Everyday
1) my bed
2) the fridge
3) my hair
4) Ralph
5) my computer
6) the phone
Five Movies
1) Grease
2) Love and Basketball
3) Armageddon
4) Dead Poet's Society
5) 50 First Dates
4 Celebrities You Have a Crush On
1) Ben Affleck
2) Omar Epps
3) Vin Diesel
4) Paul Kariya
3 People You Have Kissed
1) Bobby
2) Darren
3) Ralph
Two Articles Of Clothing You Love
1) my PJ's
2) FSU sweatshirt
1 Person You Could Spend The Rest Of Your Life With
1) myself, and maybe another
1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.
1. find a full time job teaching
2. fall in love
3. get into a workout routine
4. get a second teachable
5. make a dent in my loan
2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.
1. camp people
2. Kristina
3. Shannon (best friend from elementary school)
4. Melanie - friend from High School
5. Andrew
3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.
1. Speak form my heart
2. Wear my heart on my sleeve
3. Be optimistic
4. make a quilt
5. drive standard
4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
1. Pay back my loans
2. Buy a car
3. Take a trip
4. Give money to my parents
5. Pay for my brother's wedding.
5. List five things you do that help you relax.
1. read
2. puzzles
3. take a walk
4. play basketball
5. think about people who make me smile
So, I feel like we have come full circle... such nonsense if you ask me. People try and try and try to get me to open up and trust and believe and care... and I finally I do, and suddenly the challenge is over. Fine. I give up then. I am done trying and putting in the effort and making myself vulnerable. No more wearing my heart on my sleeve. It just makes me feel like the fool in the end... and we know how much I hate that. SO... I GIVE UP!
Inside Out
the biggest lie you ever told - your deepest fear 'bout growin' old
the longest night you ever spent - the angriest letter you never sent
the boy you swore you'd never leave - the one you kissed on new year's eve
the sweetest dream you had last night - your darkest hour, your hardest
fight
I wanna know you - like I know myself
I'm waitin' for you - there ain't no one else
I want to know you - inside out
I wanna dig down deep - I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream & shout - I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time - I wanna know your mind
ya know there ain't no doubt - I wanna know you inside out
the saddest song you ever heard - the most you said with just one word
the loneliest prayer you ever prayed - the truest vow you ever made
what makes you laugh, what makes you cry
what makes you mad, what gets you by
your highest high, your lowest low - these are the things I want to know
I wanna know you - like I know myself
I'm waitin' for you - there ain't know one else
talk to me baby - scream and shout
I want to know you - inside out
I wanna dig down deep - I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream & shout - I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time - I wanna know your mind
ya know there ain't no doubt I wanna kow you inside out
I wanna know your soul - I wanna lose control
c'mon n' let it out - I wanna know you inside out
ya gotta dig down deep - I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream & shout - I wanna know you inside out
tell me everything...
..::HUGGING IS::..
Hugging is healthy. It helps the immune system, cures depression, reduces stress and induces sleep. It's invigorating, rejuvenating and has no unpleasant side effects. Hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug.
Hugging is all natural. It is organic, naturally sweet, no artificial ingredients, non-polluting, environmentally friendly and 100% wholesome.
Hugging is the ideal gift. Great for any occasion, fun to give and receive, shows you care, comes with its own wrapping and, of course, fully returnable.
Hugging is practically perfect. No batteries to wear out, inflation-proof, non-fattening, no monthly payment, theft-proof and non-taxable.
Hugging is an under utilized resource with magical powers. When we open our hearts and arms, we encourage others to do the same.
Everyone's always concentrating on first love. No one seems to care much about second love. Or third. Or fourth love. First love, that's the one that's always celebrated and documented like it never happened before to anyone, anywhere. It's a refining process, though, falling in love. What didn't work the first time won't work the second time. Or the third. But in the fourth love, there will probably be aspects of the first and second. But no matter what number it is, the pursuit of love is like agreeing to climb on a giant slingshot and be thrust forward, at full speed, with only a blurry target in sight and millions of miles of flight. And most times it's all a mirage. The blurry target is a brick wall. Or a wall that really loves you, but also keeps urging you to change. So why thurst?
R- finishing another book
T- finishing another book
The man I marry will be someone who I can watch Habs games with...and be someone who will want to be there watching them with me. Not sure if he exists though. Might just be too much to ask.
R - seeing my aunt after a long afternoon
T - 4-0 loss
Last cigarette: been a while
Last car ride: tonight
Last kiss: been a while
Last good cry: a few weeks
Last library book checked out: Monday
Last movie seen: not sure - Scooby Doo 2 I think
Last book read: just finished one by Mary Higgins Clark
Last cuss word uttered: probably shitty
Last beverage drank: coke
Last food consumed: strawberries
Last crush: I'm too old for crushes
Last phone call: Chantal
Last TV show watched: CSI
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: running shoes
Last cd played: a mix my sister sent me
Last item bought: muffin and juice this morning
Last annoyance: having to wake up this morning
Last disappointment: the worksops I attended yesterday
Last soda drank: coke
Last thing written: an email
Last key used: house key
Last words spoken: Goodnight to Chantal
Last sleep: nap earlier today
Last IM: my sister
Last sexual fantasy: lol...about who?
Last weird encounter: not sure
Last ice cream eaten: vanilla
Last time amused: my kids amuse me
Last time wanting to die: been awhile
Last time in love: been a while
Last time you hugged: Saturday
Last lipstick used: no idea
Last shirt worn: wearing a Nike long sleeved shirt right now
Last time dancing: not sure
Last web page visited: hotmail
Last poster looked at: not sure...
I have realized something. I am a person who would stay in a relationship for three years because I know that this relationship will never hurt me. I will park my love there because there I will never experience great joy, but more importantly, I will never be devastated. The dissolving of this relationship won't be painful at all. It will just be a formality. A formal ending to something that barely or never existed.
It's all about might. It might hurt. It might not work. It might be awful. I never think it might work. It might be good. It might be fun. Because it might not.
Happy endings aren't for cowards. I've been alive for how many years, and I've only just figured that one out. I learned to be unfaithful from my parents. Not infidelity in the classic sense - but I was always perpared for the unhappy ending, which made me less willing to work toward a happy one. I was unfaithful to the idea of a well-adjusted future.
" Love is when you don't want to sleep because reality is better than a dream " How wicked of a thought is that? The true test is whether or not I believe that is even possible... I am starting to lean towards it...but I am always one who goes back and forth.
I’m like a plant: treat me good, give me sunshine, love and attention and I’ll flourish in that little window for the rest of my life. I’m not difficult like a fern that perishes in bad climate, but more like an African violet; those things last forever even under the worst conditions. I just want to be loved and I want to love someone else. I want to receive adoration and I want to shower my lover with affection. My main goal in life is simply to be happy.
I know there’s going to be periodic droughts, rain and the occasional hailstorm, but beyond tsunami waves I am a survivor who sticks it out for the long run. Is that really too much to ask?
I read something today that has got me thinking... "The greatest proof of love is to be there for someone when they need you most"...but perhaps it is
letting that person be there when you need them most. Am I there yet???
I love the smell of the air before it rains... I wanted to just stand out there all day... until it started to downpour. that was my favorite part about camp... standing outside on mainfield, knowing it was going to start to monesoon any minute... watching the sky change, and waiting for the first drops... there is nothing else like it.
Things that make me happy... : )
1. When all my socks match up after doing my alundry.
2. When it stops raining just in time for me to run and catch my bus.
3. Getting an unexpected phone call from an old friend.
4. Being hugged by a child.
5. A lift to the bus stop in the morning.
6. Drinks with old friends.
7. Ben...
8. Coming home to a nice warm bed...
9. Naps
10. The Habs
So, someone from the past suddenly misses me, suddenly is thinking about me, suddenly wants to be friends again. The question is, WHY? He gets in touch with me yesterday, after months of nothing, wanting us to pick up where we left off, asking all the right questions, saying all the right things. He wasn'toverly eager or pushy, because he knows I would see right through that. He knows my issues with trust. he knows he hurt me, and that once that happens I take a few definitive steps back... but do I now allow him to come closer? Do I now open up my heart once again and let him in, just so that he can pull back crush it because someone else says so? Which is the stronger thing to do? To open myself up again to the potential... or shut him out for good? Why does he deserve another chance? Then again, why doesn't he?
