Inside Out...
I had a dream last night about my high school graduation. I woke up this morning and thought about how lucky we were. I thought about the clean slate that we all had and how we could write our dreams and how we had so much time to fulfill them.
When we are young we are often so frivolous with our time. We think we have so much of it to squander. The truth is we don't. You just never know when things can change in an instant. But then again, every day of our lives is in some way is a clean slate to which we can write the story of our lives.
So I starting thinking that perhaps I should wake up each morning with thought of, What shall I write on my slate today? What is important to me today? What would make me happy? What would make me proud?
Someday, I will look back at the story of my life and I don't want to wonder whether or not I lived it to the fullest. I am the writer of my life story.
What will your life story be about? One of accomplishments? Happiness? Love? Or one full of regret?
Trust is one of the most difficult things to give another person. After a person proves themselves trustworthy, we still sometimes struggle with it. And when we struggle, it comes from within. It’s usually not about them but more about us. Past hurts the most likely culprit. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just means the mind is doing its best to learn the lesson. Life is about balance and our job here on earth is to learn that balance. So you learn your lesson about untrustworthy people and now here you are suddenly needing to learn to trust again perhaps for for the first time ever.
How do you do it? How do you reach inside and allow yourself to believe.
Relationships are quite possibly the most complicated things on the earth. We do our best to break them down and simplify them but there are so many variables that it extremely difficult to do.
Love is such a small part of it all. Love in many ways often serves as a complication. You love someone and want to be with them so you allow yourself to stay regardless of the things that are wrong, the needs that are left unfulfilled. Your dream is that they will suddenly want to fulfill those dreams. Things will change. You will be happy with them and love will prevail.
This thinking gets many of us in trouble. Yet it's because we love. The conflict eventually arises out of love for ourselves and love for this other person. This is when we do one of three things, we leave, we ask our partner to fill our needs, or we do the unthinkable and find someone else on the side who will fill our needs.
You see we are all human. All of our "relationship sins" can be easily broken down and explained. Even complicated relationships and all their variables can really be broken down dissected and finally understood.
Relationships revolve around needs. Often when we leave one relationship our next relationship fulfills the need that went missing in the first relationship. The reason for this is that we have identified the need and attracted it to ourselves. So if she cheated on you in the first relationship and you discovered how important it was to you to have her be faithful then your next girl probably will be. And if he didn't like to spend enough time with you in the first relationship and that really hurt you and you identified your need to yourself then the next relationship will probably offer a guy who loves spending time with you. It's really all about understanding and identifying what we need and want.
What complicates this is our sexual drive and the emotional baggage that most of us carry. As long as you are carrying baggage you will not truly be able to account for all of your needs. That baggage can make you feel like you deserve less and clouds many things. Or your baggage can make you have unreal expectations and expect far too much from your partner.
Sorting through that baggage is crucial and one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself! So dig out those bags, throw them up on the bed open the latches and start sorting! Most of that stuff doesn't fit you anymore anyway. Take it to the dump and finally have your suitcase open and ready for a fulfilling relationship just like you desire!
Life is too Short!
Kiss longer, laugh harder, love deeper, smile wider!
Sometimes while on your chosen path you get stuck or you lose momentum, things fall apart, things change, things happen and the only thing you can do at that point in your path is pull your self up by the bootstraps and go forward. Sometimes you might feel so bad that you just want to sit there but then you find the longer you sit there the more it hurts or the more bad it makes you feel.
How do you gain the strength to go forward? What are the tricks you use to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and move forward? Sometimes pulling ourselves up means letting go of dreams or things or even people we love. How do you convince yourself to do what is right for YOU?
You have probably heard about thinking big. It's great advice except for its wrong. Oh no its not wrong to think big, don't get me wrong. However, you can't just wake up and start thinking big and expect to get big. Like anything you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. Big is the goal at the end of succession of baby steps and medium steps that lead to big.
So many people get confused there. They are thinking big so why isn't it working? Simple you can't usually jump that high! You have to build steps to the top. To get to big you have to start small.
In our society today we want everything yesterday and we want bigger and better every time. We are a spoiled society and in this we often lose sight of the good old fashioned values of working your way to where you want to go. So even in our thinking we are trying to skip steps.
Just remember: Think big but take lots of little steps to get to big!
To be, or not to be...that is the question, isn't it? The other question is what do you want to be, or not be? Sometimes it is easier to envision the things we don't want than the things we do.
But it is forever true that it is up to each individual to follow his or her dream. To follow a dream means to follow it, to pursue it. The dream must be big, and it must be important, more important than the things (habits) we leave behind. The dream must be something you would stake your life on, die for.
Life doesn't come with a set of instructions, and no one will lie to you and say life is a breeze, or ever will be. Because its not. It's not easy to make the right decisions; it's not easy to find will power in a world so full of temptations. Nothing about life is easy. The things that do come easily, are, unfortunately, the things that set us up for disaster. The price to pay for that which comes too easily is mighty high. One must be forever vigilant, and realize that nothing in life is free. NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE.
So my friends, my family, follow your dream. Be who you want to be. You must make your dream come true. No one else can do it for you. You've got to believe in something, or you will fall for anything. Believe in yourself!
Hmmmm... Been such a long time since I last wrote. I like to think that is because I have been busy living my life. My days are filled with "stuff". My nights, much the same. I'm not tired of this life, I am just tired. But, there are times I just want to stop. Even just for one day. Stop that routine, do other things, walk alone.
These past few days of my life have been full of all the ups and downs and dramatics I could never have imagined. Not to mention emotions. I have swallowed and purged and indulged and avoided and restricted every emotion possible. And as always now that I'm done and I've run out of room and bullshit to use to hide from all of the pain, I am here and I'm alone and so surrounded by myself and everyone at the same time.
It's funny how so many people are okay with playing the victims in life. Of course, it's easier sometimes because you get used to it. We're familliar with the feelings of despair, betrayal, and depression. I do hope however, that one day that will change. That I won't be content with "misery". But for now - I thrive on chaos.
