Hmmmm... Been such a long time since I last wrote. I like to think that is because I have been busy living my life. My days are filled with "stuff". My nights, much the same. I'm not tired of this life, I am just tired. But, there are times I just want to stop. Even just for one day. Stop that routine, do other things, walk alone.

These past few days of my life have been full of all the ups and downs and dramatics I could never have imagined. Not to mention emotions. I have swallowed and purged and indulged and avoided and restricted every emotion possible. And as always now that I'm done and I've run out of room and bullshit to use to hide from all of the pain, I am here and I'm alone and so surrounded by myself and everyone at the same time.

It's funny how so many people are okay with playing the victims in life. Of course, it's easier sometimes because you get used to it. We're familliar with the feelings of despair, betrayal, and depression. I do hope however, that one day that will change. That I won't be content with "misery". But for now - I thrive on chaos.  ¶ 8:38 PM