I want to move to New York and live in a loft apartment and decorate it however the hell I want to. I want a kitchen with black and white checkered tiles and balck and white pictures hanging everywhere.

I want a big dog - one that I can take for walks in Central Park. A dog that comes to me when I call it and sleeps on the floor next to my bed at night. A fish, yeah, I want a fish too.

I want to get the hell out of here and be somebody, be something other than what I am. I think I could do it too except for the fact that I'm too damn scared and I'll inevitably be the one to hold myself back.

I want to be in love. not just to be in love, but to actually cre about someone other than myself - or even to give myself a reason for that too. I've seen enough failed relationships and enough movies to know what works and what doesn't.

Or maybe I'm just totally crazy and destined to be in this world alone for the rest of my life, well, except for the big dog.  ¶ 9:51 PM