I seem to be thinking more and more of the past as of late. And I seem to be missing it. Why is it that I only miss things months or years later and not at the time? Why do people not mean enough for me to fight for them at the time, and then I just am filled with saddness and regret - no, not regret, disappointment, that I have yet again, let another one slip away. That my heart is still closed off to the world. no matter how close I may let someone get - it will never be close enough. And so in the end, I push them away, or drive them away and then feel sad about it later. How does that make sense? It is quite obvious that I am going to end up alone - because I can never seem to allow myself to care enough, or the right way.

That's the way it goes I guess. I always seem to be able to go it right, after the individual is long gone.  ¶ 6:04 PM